Even after years of marriage, my husband was still quite stubborn about gifting me the things I wanted compared to what HE thought was best. In my story, I reveal how I managed to cunningly get him to understand the difference. Today, we are finally on the same page.
An upset woman looking at something in a box | Source: Getty Images
It’s been nearly three years since Mark and I tied the knot. We’ve got a good life, and I’m grateful for him. He’s thoughtful, especially when it comes to gifts on special days. My husband always gets me something for anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and birthdays.
Yet, there’s a tiny hitch. Despite his best intentions, he often misses the mark with his presents. He often leaves me feeling terrible for not liking them. A few months back, we chatted about a smartphone I’ve been eyeing.
A couple talking with a woman showing a man something on her phone | Source: Shutterstock
It was ahead of my birthday when I mentioned upgrading my iPhone. I have an iPhone 12 Pro Max and love it mainly for its size. I explained to him, “The bigger screen works best because I can watch all my TV shows and YouTube videos on it.”
For me, I find it very handy as I’m always on the move at home, doing chores and such. So, I had my eyes set on the iPhone 15 Pro Max. But, my husband was still unsatisfied with my answer and would ask:
“Why the Pro Max? Isn’t the smaller iPhone 15 Pro good enough?”
An unboxed iPhone 15 Pro Max | Source: Pexels
“I prefer the larger screen,” I explained, hoping he’d drop it and allow me to want what I wanted. “It’s just more practical for how I use it.” Fast forward to my birthday last weekend. We had a blast—a BBQ with family, laughs, and good food.
As we wound down, everyone started presenting me with various gifts. I got things like handbags to clothing items, while others opted for things for the house. Mark was the last person to present me with a gift which was nicely wrapped.
A happy woman receiving a gift from a man | Source: Getty Images
When I opened it and saw inside a brand-new iPhone 15 Pro—not the Max, I was thrilled. It was clear he tried to get me what I wanted despite missing the mark again. I hugged him, appreciative of his effort. “Thanks, babe, I appreciate it!”
But, later at home, his question caught me off guard. “Do you like your gift?”
“Of course,” I replied, masking my slight disappointment.
An upset woman looking at something in a box | Source: Getty Images
He sighed. “I know you wanted the bigger one and were looking to buy it. But at the store, the smaller one seemed more practical,” he confessed. “It felt better in MY hand when I held both models for comparison.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and he didn’t seem to notice my displeasure because he continued. “The salesman also mentioned how wives who have the Pro Max are likelier to keep it rather than switch to something smaller as time goes by.”
An upset woman contemplating something | Source: Getty Images
It was all I could do to keep my mouth from gaping open as I listened to his reasoning. “I still don’t understand why you wanted the bigger version. That’s why I bought the smaller one that made better sense to ME.”
There was a moment of awkward silence. I forced a smile and excused myself, feeling a mix of irritation and disbelief. I needed some seclusion and time to mull over what I heard so I went to take a shower.
I couldn’t believe that he’d chosen my gift based on what suited him, not me. This revelation soured the gift completely, and truth be told, I stuck with my old phone. My original phone still worked well and served all my needs well.
Mark sensed my dissatisfaction and decided to confront me. “You don’t like the gift I got you, do you, Susan?” he asked one night. “Honestly, I didn’t mind it and was happy with it until you explained that you got it because YOU thought it was best.”
We ended up getting into a fight with him calling me ungrateful, which only widened the gap between us. Things were a bit tense between us because I still refused to use the new phone. But we tried to keep things civil and decent between us.
When his birthday rolled around, he had been hinting about wanting a PlayStation 5 (PS5). Remembering my birthday, I decided it was time he experienced his own medicine. Instead of the PS5, I bought him a PS4.
When his special day came around and he opened his gift, he didn’t look too pleased. Unlike him, I didn’t wait until later to explain why I hadn’t gotten him the present he actually wanted. I did it then and there, saying:
“I got the PS4 because I thought it matched our living room better since it was smaller and could easily fit under our TV.”
At first, Mark was visibly disappointed. But he tried to mask it with a strained smile so our guests wouldn’t pick up that something was wrong. Yet, as he set it up in the living room the following day, the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him.
“Seriously? A PS4? But it’s not what I wanted…” Mark muttered, fiddling with the console.
“I thought it would FIT better, you know, physically and aesthetically. It’s practical,” I echoed his earlier words, watching him.
He paused, the realization dawning on him. “This is about my phone gift, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is,” I admitted. “How does it feel to receive something you didn’t ask for?”
Mark looked at me, the frustration softening as understanding took its place. “I… I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry.”
Later that evening, we sat down and finally talked. “I didn’t realize how it felt to receive something you didn’t ask for until today,” he admitted.
“I hope you know I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I wanted you to understand how I felt,” I said, hoping this would be a learning moment for both of us. “I get it now, babe, and I am sorry for always making your gifts about my wants and understanding,” he apologized.
He even vowed to do much better in the future to make me happy and fulfill my wishes, and I promised the same. We decided to return both gifts the next day, opting instead to buy what we each wanted!
This hiccup in our gift-giving saga gave us a deeper appreciation for communicating and respecting each other’s preferences. In the end, Mark got his PS5, and I received my iPhone 15 Pro Max. We learned that sometimes, the best gift we can give is LISTENING to what the other person genuinely wants.