A “short” but important work trip took my husband away just two days before Christmas. I drove to the nearby hotel when I found out he had lied and was there. But I was sobbing when I walked into that hotel room. The face that looked back at me broke my heart and shook my whole world.
I thought my husband and I shared everything. Every joke, worry, and dream that isn’t important. We knew each other’s flaws and quirks, shared our joy when we won, and helped each other through hard times. Or at least that’s what I thought until Christmas Day, when everything I thought I knew fell apart.
Shawn tapped uncomfortably on our kitchen counter and said, “Andrea, I need to tell you something.” “My boss called.” He needs me to take care of an urgent client matter in Boston.
I put down my coffee and looked at his face. His face showed that something was different. A hint of… guilt? Stress?
“During the holidays?” My eyes got bigger.
“Yes, I know.” I tried to leave, but… I had grown to love the way he ran his hand through his dark hair after three years of marriage. “The customer is threatening to close their whole account.”
“Christmas has never been a time for travel for you.” I put my hands around my coffee mug to stay warm. “Why doesn’t someone else do it?”
“Believe me, I wish there was.” When his eyes met mine, they quickly moved away. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. When I get back, we’ll have our own Christmas.
“Well, I guess I have to do something.” Even though I tried to smile, sadness filled my chest. “When are you going to leave?”
“Tonight.” “I’m really sorry, honey.”
I nodded while trying not to cry. We hadn’t spent Christmas together since we met.
As I helped Shawn pack that night, I thought about all the good times we had together.
I thought back to our wedding day and how his eyes lit up when I walked down the aisle. I also remembered how he surprised me with weekend trips. He put in extra hours at the consulting company to save money for our dream house, a Victorian with a porch that went all the way around.
“Do you remember our first Christmas?” Putting his sweater away, I asked. “When you almost burned down our apartment while making a turkey roast?”
He laughed. “How did I forget?” That 3 a.m. call didn’t make the fire service very happy.
“And that ugly sweater set you got us for Christmas last year?”
“You wore yours to work anyway!”
“Because you told me to!” He smiled as he caught the sock I threw at him. “They still won’t let me live it down at work.”
His smile got a little softer. “I’m really sorry about this trip, sweetheart.”
“I understand!” I sat on the bed’s edge. “Just…” “Christmas won’t be the same without you.”
He sat down next to me and took my hand. “Are you sure you won’t open your gifts until I get back?”
“Stretch my heart.” I put my shoulder on his. “Are you sure you’ll call?”
“Every chance I get.” “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Something kept going through my mind as I watched him drive off. I pushed the thought away, though. It was Shawn after all. Shawn, mine. The guy who danced with me in the rain and brought me soup when I was sick. And the person I believed in the most.
It was snowing on Christmas Eve, and I felt like I couldn’t shake the feeling of being empty. It was too quiet and still in the house. I did things by myself all day, like bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and wrap last-minute gifts.
Around 9 p.m., Shawn called me on the phone. My heart jumped.
A strange strain could be heard in his voice as he said, “Merry Christmas, beautiful.”
“Happy Christmas!” Where is Boston? Did you figure out what to do with the client?”
“Uh, it’s good.” Please wait, I’m not ready to talk. I need to leave—”
I could hear voices, laughing, and what sounded like dishes clinking in the background.
“Are you having dinner?” This late? Why did I think you had meetings?”
He almost screamed, “I have to go!” “Meeting right away!”
The line stopped working.
My hands were shaking as I looked at my phone. Meeting for emergencies? At 9 p.m. on Christmas Eve? With the sounds of a restaurant in the background? It didn’t make any sense.
Then I thought of my fitness tracker! I left it in his car after we went food shopping last weekend. I opened the app on my phone with shaking hands.
The location pointer smiled back at me, making fun of my trust. Shawn didn’t have a car in Boston. The car was parked at a hotel in our city, not far from our home.
For a moment, my world stopped moving. That’s when all of my thoughts came back at once.
A hotel? In our town? On the night before Christmas?
Each idea that ran through my mind was worse than the last. Was he going to see someone? Had we lied to each other our whole marriage? There were signs… acting tense, leaving quickly, and getting a strange phone call.
I told myself in a whisper, “No.” “No, no, no.”
I rushed to my car and drove straight to the hotel without stopping to think.
The drive was filled with tears and bad things that could happen. It was awful to go through every red light. Every second that went by was another time when my mind was full of ideas I couldn’t stand to think about.
When I got there, sure enough, Shawn’s silver car was already parked.
It was the car I helped him choose, and we’d been on many road trips together. Just seeing it made my stomach hurt.
My heart was beating so fast I thought it might burst as I walked into the hallway. My hands were shaking. In the background, soft Christmas music played like an insult.
The front desk worker smiled and looked up. “May I assist you?”
I took out my phone and showed Shawn and I a picture from our beach trip last summer. I ran my thumb across his happy face.
“This man is my husband.” “What room is he in?”
She wasn’t sure. “Sorry, Ma’am, I shouldn’t—”
“Tell me, please.” He said he was in Boston, but his car is right outside. Please… “I need to know what’s going on.”
She must have been moved by something in the way I looked. Maybe I couldn’t hold back the tears, or she had seen this scene happen before. She looked at my phone again and typed something into her computer.
She put the key card across the counter and said, “Room 412.” “But miss?” Things aren’t always what they seem to be.
I was in such a hurry to get to the lift that I barely heard her last words.
The elevator ride seemed to last forever. After each step, it sounded like a bomb was going off. When I got to the fourth floor, I ran down the hallway, where the carpet made it hard to hear my steps.
412 Room. I didn’t knock… I just swiped the card and walked right in.
“Shawn, how could you—”
The words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.
Shawn was standing next to a wheel chair.
A man with silvery hair and eyes I hadn’t seen since I was five years old was sitting in that wheelchair. He watched me take my first steps and his eyes got wrinkled when he laughed at my jokes. The day he left, they filled with tears.
“DADDY?” With a whisper, the word came out. It was a prayer and a question I’d had for 26 years.
Hey, Andrea! My dad’s voice was shaking. “My little girl.”
While memories came flooding back, time seemed to stop. My mom burned all of his letters after the divorce, and she moved us across the country. and me crying myself to sleep while holding the last birthday card he sent, the one with the puppy and the words “I’ll love you forever.”
“How?” I looked at Shawn with tears running down my face. “How did you…”
Shawn said in a soft voice, “I’ve been looking for him for a year.” “Your mother told me a few things about him a few months before she died.” Through social media, I found him in Arizona last week. A few years ago, he had a stroke and could no longer walk. Yesterday, I drove down to get him… I had a Christmas treat for you.
My dad reached out and grabbed my hand. His fingers were not as thick as I remembered them being, but they still had the same soft strength to them.
“I looked for you all the time, Andrea.” Your mom stopped it from happening. So many times you’ve moved and changed your address. I loved you always, though. Done everything they could to find my little girl.
I broke down in tears next to his wheelchair and cried as he picked me up. He wrapped his cologne around me like a warm blanket. It smelled like sandalwood, which is a scent I remember from my childhood.
Every wish I’d ever made at Christmas, on my birthday, or at 11:11 had been for this moment.
“I believed…” I choked out between tears. “I thought when I saw the hotel…”
Shawn got down on his knees next to us and said, “Oh, sweetheart.” “I really needed to tell you.” But first I had to make sure I could find him. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting you down if it didn’t work out.
“I’m so sorry,” I told Shawn in a whisper later, after things had calmed down a bit and we had ordered room service.
He sat me down on the small couch and pulled me close. “I wanted it to be great.” Tomorrow morning at Christmas breakfast, your dad will walk in… well, roll in. I can see it on your face.
“It’s wonderful!” I looked at the two men I loved most in the world. “Even if I hurt the surprise.” I think I might have had a heart attack on the way here.
From his wheelchair, my dad laughed. „You were always an antsy one. Do you remember how you used to shake all your Christmas gifts?”
Shawn squeezed my hand and said, “Some things never change.”
“Do you remember when I told you there was a fairy living in the garden?” Dad’s eyes sparkled. “For a week, you forgot to put out little sandwiches.”
“I forgot about that!” I laughed even though I was crying again.
Dad said in a soft voice, “I’ve saved up stories for 26 years.” “If you’d like to hear them.”
“Tell me everything.” I reached out to grab his hand. “Every single story.”
As I put my head on Shawn’s shoulder, I listened to my dad tell stories from my youth that I thought would never be told again. Outside, soft snow fell, and in the distance, Christmas Day church bells began to ring.
My dad’s eyes sparkled. “Are you ready to hear about the time Andrea, who is five years old, cut our dog’s hair?”
Shawn smiled and said, “I think what we’re all ready to hear is how Andrea got it wrong and thought her loving husband was up to no good on Christmas Eve!”
I moaned, but I couldn’t help but laugh. “This is something I will never get over, am I?”
“Never,” they both said at the same time. Hearing them laugh was the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten.