Having a budget is useful. Nevertheless, when my husband insisted that I justify every single cent that I spent, even on necessities such as diapers and tampons, I came to the realization that it was not about money. Thus, I consented, but he was unaware that I was about to teach him the most expensive lesson he would ever learn in his whole life.
Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that it would become a daily audit. In spite of this, there I was, a mother of twins, writing down the reasons why I had purchased diapers and shampoo as if I were pleading with the world’s most insignificant bank for a loan. Believe me when I say that the reckoning that came after was well worth every humiliating entry that was written in that journal.
I’ll explain how it all began.
Over the course of three years, my husband, Jexon, and I had been together for a total of six years. Prior to the birth of our twins, we were partners. Whereas he was working in accounting, I was pursuing a career in graphic design. We never put up a fight about money and always divided the expenses evenly.
After conducting a monthly assessment of the budget, Jexon made a jest and said, “Look at us, mastering adulthood.” “Most couples argue over money, but we have this situation completely under control.”
I banged my coffee mug against his and shook it. “This is due to the fact that neither one of us is attempting to track down the other’s wallet. Would you say revolutionary? ”
At that point, I became pregnant with twins, and everything began to change.
Before going back to work, we came to an agreement that I would take a year off to take care of the babies. At that time, it appeared to be sturdy.
After a whirlwind of restless nights and countless diaper changes, Elowen and Finn, the twins, finally made their appearance. I had so little time that I could hardly even handle my bills, let alone clean my teeth.
Jexon, however, underwent a transformation as the months went by. The beginning of it all began with inconsequential remarks that alluded to something more sinister.
“Wow, we’re tearing through formula like it’s free,” he said one evening, raising his eyebrows as I added it to the list of things that needed to be stored in the refrigerator.
I shot back with a dry tone, “Yeah, it turns out that babies don’t run on air and what they dream.” “What they require is real food. Isn’t that wild? ”
It was a sigh. It would be more prudent for me to hand up my paycheck to the cashier at this point in time.
The statements went from being mild to being more regular. Jexon showed up in the doorway one night when I was rocking Elowen to sleep. He was waving a receipt as if it were a court summons he was presented with.
More trips to the supermarket? This is your third pilgrimage in the past week, what is it today? ”
I murmured in a mocking tone, “No, it’s my secret romance with the cashier,” and I meant it this way. Jexon, we felt the need for diapers. That is, unless you want the twins to use the backyard like the dog that belongs to the neighbor.
At some point on a Tuesday evening, the breaking point hit. It was finally time for the twins to go to sleep, and I had successfully prepared a healthy lunch for them rather than getting takeout.
Jexon sat down and looked at the roast chicken with a satisfied expression. Wow, this isn’t food from a delivery bag; it’s genuine food. Very impressive.”
A smile appeared on my face as I poured water. “We felt that we deserved something that didn’t taste like cardboard,” the speaker said.
After taking a bite, he rested his fork on the table with the same level of precision as someone who was going to detonate a bomb. I’ve been giving some thought to the money that we spend.
My stomach became tight. “What are your thoughts about it? ”
Due to the fact that you are not now making any money, you need to be more attentive.
I blinked my eyes. Sorry, did I understand it correctly? The sound must have been muted since you were putting your foot in your mouth.
In a strong tone, he reiterated, “Zeryn, you are not earning anything.” If you want to defend your spending, you need keep track of it. The experience will teach you how to be more frugal.
A piercing chuckle from me. It’s quite a lot. What is the going wage for a nanny, housekeeper, and chef who is available around the clock? Because I am fairly certain that I am saving us thousands of dollars every month.”
Suddenly, he snapped, “Don’t be so dramatic.” “I just believe that it would be beneficial for you to understand where the money is going.”
“Oh, I see what you mean. The money will go toward ensuring the survival of your children and preventing your home from becoming a health risk.
How come you are making such a huge deal out of this? Exasperated, he inquired about it. That I am the only one who brings in money is true.
I retreated from the table and said, “Fine,” at the same time. You want receipts, don’t you? Receipts will be provided to you. It is my hope that you have a pleasant evening in the guest room, because the Bank of Jexon does not receive credit for this place.
“Every purchase needs an explanation,” was written on a bright yellow sticky note that I discovered the next morning in a notepad that was sitting on the counter. You’ll be able to improve your budgeting skills with this! ”
As tears threatened to make their way down my face, I stood there with my twins on each hip, staring at that patronizing exclamation mark.
I was still standing there when Jexon entered the kitchen. I watched him come in.
As I nodded my head in agreement at the notepad, I replied, “You can’t be serious.”
He continued to be calm while he poured coffee. “Yes, I am. This is a healthy routine.”
“A healthy routine? Subsequently, you will request that I raise my hand in order to use the restroom.
“It’s funny. Simply make a note of the things you purchase and the reasons behind them.
“What if I don’t do it? ”
His jaw became more tense. “If that is the case, perhaps we should reconsider how we manage our finances.”
What does that mean? Perhaps a stipend? Is there a gold star for being frugal? Alternately, should I begin trading my household goods for toothpaste? ”
Try it out for the time being. Without a doubt.”
I smiled and responded, “Sure thing, boss,” with a sugary tone. “What else is there? Or should I address you as Sir? Will you bow when you enter? ”
After rolling his eyes, he walked away. What you need to do is fill up the notebook, Zeryn.
The notepad was the next thing I glanced at after Elowen and Finn.
In a low voice, I said, “Well, kids.” This is going to be a lesson in creative accounting that Mommy is going to teach Daddy.
During the first week, I was compliant and documented each transaction with a combination of compliance and the refusal to comply.
“The price of milk is $4.99. Because the twins are incapable of surviving on water and positive energy alone. Calcium is essential for them.
Diapers cost $19.50 each. However, if you would rather I use your dress shirts as wipes, I will do that.
The price of toilet paper is $8.99. For when nature calls without first sending an SMS message.”
Every night, Jexon would go over the notepad, his mouth becoming more tense.
All of this sarcasm—is it really necessary? While he was flipping through, he asked.
I ruffled my eyelashes with my fingers. “What is it? I am assuming completeness. That is a responsibility to one’s finances, right? ”
The phrase “You know what I meant”
“Am I? ” Simply because it seems as though you have misunderstood me to be an employee rather than your wife.
During the second week, I initiated my counter-strategy. During the time that Jexon was at work, I examined his personal account, as well as his wallet and credit card statements. In the evening, as he was going through my entries, he discovered something unexpected.
His voice became more elevated as he read, “Six-pack of craft beer – $14.99.” Notable: This is very necessary in order for the husband to be able to watch sports without getting intolerable.
He continued, and his eyes widened in response.
This is a $50 deposit for online poker. Considering that gambling is considered a “hobby” for men, but it is considered “irresponsible” when I purchase a $5 latte.
This caused his face to flush as he turned the page.
The cost of lunch to go is $17.45. Note: Would have been able to pack a lunch for $2, but doing so would have required some forethought and fundamental culinary skills.
A slam of the notebook was heard from him. “What the hell is going on here? ”
I was completely naive when I looked up from folding the laundry. “Oh, I made the decision to keep a record of all of the household spending. Isn’t it true that comprehensive budgeting? ”
“This isn’t about me,” he yelled out violently.
“Oh, but that is the case. Do you consider yourself to be a member of this household? Or does the great financial master allow himself to be exempt from the restrictions that he establishes for his subjects? ”
He stood up and walked out of the room.
“Remember to add the coffee run that will take place tomorrow! ” I phoned you. There is a lot of interest in financial transparency. ”
Still, I wasn’t finished.
A few days later, we received an offer to take part in a dinner at the residence of his parents. Just right.
According to Jexon, “Mom is interested in seeing the twins on Saturday.”
I gave a slight nod, planning forward. The presence of adults who do not force me to justify purchasing toothpaste will be a welcome sight.
Myrvie and Tharion, my husband’s parents, were always good to me, but Myrvie, who had been a rock for me ever before the twins were born, was especially kind.
When Saturday arrived, I took great care in packing the diaper bag, making sure to include one particular item.
With a warm greeting, Myrvie greeted us while gushing about Elowen and Finn. During the course of our enjoyable dinner, Myrvie turned to me as we were finishing up the dessert.
“Zeryn, you appear to be completely worn out. Do you still find that the twins are unable to sleep through the night? ”
Seeing my opportunity, I couldn’t help but smile. Oh, you know, sleep is a luxury when you consider the babies and the homework that you have to do.
Her head was turned sideways. “The homework? My homework is what? ”
There was a new financial literacy program that Jexon mentioned, didn’t there? ” I reached into the diaper bag and pulled out the notebook. During the time that I am on maternity leave, he is instructing me on the importance of a dollar.
Her brows flew up in surprise. Is that the case? ”
It’s true. It is necessary for me to provide an explanation for every purchase. Similar to a project from middle school, but with a greater emphasis on sleep deprivation.”
Suddenly, Myrvie’s face took on a look of astonishment. It is he who? ”
Tharion stood with his back arched and frowned. Can you please reassure me that this is not what it sounds like?
The color left Jexon’s face. “It’s not… Mom and Dad? It’s just a budgeting exercise,” the speaker said.
“An event involving budgeting? I smiled as if I were holding a Cheshire cat. “Here is the entry that I find most appealing: ‘Tampons — $10.49. Note: Not only does Mother Nature’s monthly present not allow returns, but I also forgot to bring my collection of corks with me when I went to visit my parents.
A hush descended. That’s when Myrvie exploded.
Oh, JEXON! As she slammed her hand down on the table, she yelled out in terror. Are you completely out of your mind? This is the way that we brought you up to treat your wife, right? ”
Tharion made a head shake motion. “Son, I have never felt that much shame in my life.”
“It wasn’t… Mom, Dad, we agreed—” Jexon sputtered between his teeth.
It is YOUR children that she is nurturing! He was interrupted by Myrvie. “How much does that seem like per hour? Because if she were to bill you, you would not be able to afford her! ”
The notebook was handed to her by me. There is more to it. I also kept track of his expenditures. With regard to education, of course.”
Myrvie scanned through the pages, her face becoming more serious. A predatory laugh came out of her as she listened to Jexon’s entries.
She remarked to Tharion, “Oh, this is a fantastic deal.” Although it would appear that $50 poker games are necessary, Zeryn needs to provide an explanation for baby wipes.
Both of Tharion’s arms were crossed. “You expect her to raise twins without receiving any compensation, and then you force her to beg for necessities? To what kind of a man do you belong? ”
There was a break in Jexon. “ALREADY! ” I DO KNOW IT! I made a mistake! ”
After seizing the notepad, he ripped it in half and then stormed out of the room. This door banged shut.
Myrvie made an attempt to grab my hand. Hello, sweetheart! How are you doing? Have you run out of money? ”
Her hand was squeezed by me. No, I’m doing fine. “As it turns out, I’ve become an expert accountant now.”
On the way home, there was complete silence. After we had drove into the parking lot, Jexon shut off the engine but remained still.
“That was a humiliation as severe as the nuclear level,” he claimed.
Just try to picture yourself experiencing that sensation on a daily basis in your own home… from the person who is supposed to be your partner.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel like that,” he apologized to me while looking at me.
“What were your expectations for what would take place? Would you like me to express my gratitude for treating me as if I were stealing from the cookie jar of the family? ”
He confessed, “I was quite terrified.” “The fact that I was the sole provider… it frightened me.” I handled things in an improper manner.”
In the words of the century, “understatement.”
“I am very sorry, Zeryn. In all honesty. I used to be a jerk.
“Jexon, you are a gold-medal-winning, world-class ass.”
A smirk appeared on his face for a moment. I am deserving of that.
It was me who said, “I need you to get this.” Even though I am not now receiving a wage, the work that I do is valuable. The value is enormous. I am not going to spend your money; rather, I am going to invest it in our family.
He indicated with a nod. “Absolutely uncolored.”
Changes occurred as a result of the aftermath. Jexon never again brought up the topic of monitoring my expenditures. He began arriving home and taking the twins with him so that I could have some time to myself. Even the smallest of gestures meant more than any apology could have.
And he never again questioned the amount of money I spent. Not a single time.
I would look him in the eye and ask, “Would you like me to start another notebook?” and I would do this whenever I noticed a trace of his previous domineering personality. “I have your mother on speed dial,” I said.
Not only did he recall the humiliation, but he also remembered the lesson: partnerships are not formed on ledgers and justifications; rather, they are built on trust, respect, and the realization that some contributions cannot be contained inside the narrow columns of a notebook.
I never imagined that I would have to start over in order to get my spouse to recognize me as an equal. However, there are instances when the most difficult lessons leave the indelible marks.