It didn’t bother me that my five-year-old daughter wouldn’t cut her hair until she told me she wanted to keep it long for her “real daddy.” Those words made my heart beat faster. Just what did she mean? Did my wife have a partner that I didn’t know about?
Who is this story about? It’s about my daughter Lily.
Lily makes our lives better. She is full of energy and wonder at only five years old. She always has a million questions and the funniest observations.
That girl is smart, nice, and has a laugh that can make any day better. Sara, my wife, and I are so proud of her.
But something happened last week that shook up our whole world.
It all began a few months ago when Lily wouldn’t let us cut her hair.
She used to love having her hair brushed and styled, but now no one could touch it.
She would lie on her back on the bathroom floor with her legs crossed and hold on to her hair like it was gold.
She would say, “No, Daddy.” “I want my long hair to stay that way.”
Sara and I thought it was just a phase at first. That’s just how kids are, right?
Carol, Sara’s mom, had always said that Sara’s pixie cut was “too short for a proper lady,” so we thought Lily might want to show off her own style.
I told her, “Sure.” “Your hair doesn’t need to be cut.”
Then there was the gum thing.
You hear about these kinds of parenting moments and hope they never happen to you.
During movie night, Lily fell asleep on the couch with gum still in her mouth. It was too late when Sara and I found her.
The gum was stuck in her hair and wouldn’t come out.
We tried everything, from ice and peanut butter to that weird online trick with vinegar.
We knew at that point that we had to cut her hair.
Sara got down on her knees next to Lily and held the comb.
She told Lily, “Sweetheart, we’re going to have to cut a little off of your hair.” “Just the gum part.”
The next thing that happened caught both of us by surprise.
Lily’s face turned red with fear, and she jumped up and grabbed her hair like it was lifesaver.
She yelled, “No!” “You can’t do it!” When my real dad comes back, I want him to know who I am!”
Sara looked at her with wide eyes, and my heart sank to the floor.
“Lily, what did you say?” I carefully asked as I knelt down to her level.
There were tears in her eyes, like she had just told me a big secret.
She said in a low voice, “I… I want my real daddy to know it’s me.”
Sara and I both looked at each other blankly.
After that, I tried to calm down by taking a big breath.
I spoke in a soft voice, “Lily, sweetheart, I am your dad.” “Why do you think I’m not?”
She bit her little lip and whispered, “Grandma told me that.”
What? Why would Carol tell her that? Who did Lily mean when she talked about the man?
“Honey, what did Grandma really say?” Sara asked nice.
Lily explained, “She told me to keep my hair long so my real dad will know it’s me when he comes back.” She gripped her hair even tighter. “She told me he’ll be mad if he doesn’t see me.”
“Sweetheart,” I spoke up. What do you mean when you say “real daddy”?
Lily sniffled and looked at her little hands. “My grandmother told me that you’re not my real dad.” I believe my real father left, but he will return one day. He won’t know who I am if I look different.
Sara picked up Lily’s hand and said, “Listen to me.” “There was nothing wrong with you.” You’re not in trouble. But please tell me exactly what Grandma said. “Could you do that for me?”
After some thought, Lily nodded. “She told me not to tell anyone. I shouldn’t tell you or Daddy because Daddy would get mad. I did not want him to be angry with me.”I do not want anyone to be angry with me.”
I sucked down the lump in my throat as my chest got tight.
“Lily, you are so loved,” I said in a soft voice. By your mom, me, and everyone else who knows you. Don’t worry, no one is mad at you. That was not what your grandmother should have said.
As Sara gave Lily a tight hug, tears came into her eyes. “Lily, you are our daughter.” Your real dad is right here. He’s always been.
Lily slowly nodded and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. But the harm was already done. What could Carol, whom we trusted, say to our child that was so hard to understand?
Sara and I sat in the living room that night after Lily went to sleep.
“What the hell did she think?” Sara said something in a low voice that showed she was mad.
I said, “I don’t know,” trying not to show how angry I was. “But she did something wrong.” Sara, we need to talk to her. Tomorrow.”
Sara called her mom in the morning and told her to come over. As usual, Carol came in with a sense of confidence, but Sara wasn’t in the mood to make small talk.
Sara lost it as soon as Carol walked in the door.
“Mom, what the heck is wrong with you?” She lost it. “Why would you lie to Lily and say that Edward isn’t her real dad?” Are you aware of what you’ve done?”
The rudeness made Carol blink, showing that she was shocked.
She put up her hand and said, “Now, hold on.” “This doesn’t sound as bad as you make it.” It was only a short story. There is no reason to be so upset.
“A story?” I stepped in. She has been afraid to cut her hair for months because of this “story.”
Carol rolled her eyes like we were making things up.
“Oh, come on.” She told him, “I just wanted her to keep her hair long.” “For God’s sake, she’s a little girl!” Sara, you shouldn’t give her one of those bad short cuts like you do.
“So you told her lies?” To keep her hair long, you made her think her dad wasn’t her dad. Mom, can you hear yourself now?”
“When she grows up, she won’t even remember it.” But she remembered how silly she looked in pictures when she had a boyish haircut.
“Carol, this isn’t about hair,” I told her. “You put our family down.” Lily thought I wasn’t her real dad because of you. “This isn’t right, okay?”
Carol pursed her lips and then said something that made us lose what little calm we had left. “Well, Sara has a bad history, so who am I to say you are her real dad?”
What the heck? I believed. What else is she going to say to explain why she made that mistake?
That’s when Sara lost it.
With her finger on the door, she said, “Get out.” “Leave my house.” “You’re no longer welcome here.”
I wouldn’t let Carol change her mind. She stumbled over words to say that she “didn’t mean it that way.”
I took a strong step forward, opened the door, and made a sign. “All right, Carol. “Leave.”
As she left, she glared at us and said something under her breath, but I didn’t care.
Sara and I looked at each other after I shut the door behind Carol.
She then sat down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.
I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.
It was still very angry in my chest, but I said quietly, “We’ll get through this.”
Sara said yes, but I could tell her face was sad. “I’m shocked that my mother would do such a thing.”
The rest of the night, we sat with Lily and tried to explain everything in a soft way.
I took her little hands in mine and looked her straight in the eyes. “Hi Lily, I’m your dad.” I’ll always be that way. “Grandma didn’t say anything true, okay?”
Lily said “yes.” “So you’re my real dad?”
I smiled and said, “Yes, sweetheart.” “Always.”
Sara added, “Grandma was wrong to tell you that.” “She didn’t need to say that, and it’s not your fault.” Lily, we love you so much. “Don’t forget that ever.”
Though Lily looked a little less tense when Sara pulled out the scissors to cut the gum out of her hair, she seemed to calm down a bit.
There was still gum there.
“Do I need to?” Lily asked as she held on to the twisted string.
“Honey, it’s just a little bit,” Sara said. “You won’t even notice how quickly it grows back.” Plus, not having gum stuck to everything will make you feel so much better.
Lily finally said yes after a moment. “All right, just a little.”
I saw Lily’s face light up with a small smile as Sara cut off the gum-covered strands.
“Can I dye it pink when it grows back?”
I stroked her hair and said, “If that’s what you want.”
Things slowly went back to normal over the next few days. Lily seemed better and happier, and she even asked Sara to braid her hair again. It had been months since she did that.
As for Carol, we have stopped talking to her.
Sara and I both agreed that she shouldn’t be around Lily until she owns up to what she did.
To be honest, it wasn’t an easy choice, but Lily’s safety comes first. We’ll do anything to make sure our daughter is happy.